All publications of SARA FARJANI . Rabat , Morocco
SOULSHINE OR THE DAY I LEARNED TO LOVE MYSELF
I have maintained the tradition of writing down to myself, my life lessons in every birthday celebration.
This time is special, I decided I would share with all of you how to embrace a new form of beauty, that I learned and have been one of my hardest struggles. Thanks to my life journey as a young woman, I now believe loving ourselves is the key to confidence, happiness and success, whether we are a woman or a man.
For almost a decade, I was able to track my feelings and my self-improvements over the years, it enabled me to have enough retreat and see myself as an extern viewer.
Holding such a skill has never been easy, I had to struggle with major self-love issues before I was able to finally embrace my own personality in a positive and unique way.
For many cultures around the globe, there are usually some beauty standards for women to follow in order to fit in, to be desired and accepted. I can’t say if is it a natural thing or is it a social heritage, but girls would naturally grow up following those standards, even when they tend to be unrealistic or don’t reflect their true self.
I recall being a kid, starring at the mirror, hating my nose, because someone told me it looked weird and different. As absurd as it may seem, this was my first step in a world of body shaming and insecurities.
I carried a bad self-image all my adolescence, and as a grown woman by cause of body shaming, to the point I can describe it as a vicious cycle; when you think you finally overcame an insecurity, it can take only an Instagram picture or a critic from a person you trust, to find yourself dragged again into another chase that may never end.
Taking into consideration that the mean goal of an industry is to seek constant profits, the concept of beauty has evolved to become an endless chase of money based on social trends, convincing every women of a new deformed concept of beauty, pushing them to seek an unrealistic image, taking advantage of their need of perfection. Thanks to celebrities, social media influencers and brand ambassadors, beauty trends have increased, letting us feel as we’re literally never going to be enough.
As a society, we have normalized the right to criticize and to bring down one another, the scary part is the normality of such an ugly behavior. It has even become a national sport and a common culture, where we feel comfortable bringing down others, because it would somehow make us handle better our own insecurities.
All of this social pressure can make us feel worthless, ugly and unwanted, no matter how many compliments we can earn, it won’t change the way we feel about ourselves, because our own conception of beauty was twisted to become so fragile and anything but realistic.
I would ask you to take a moment and to right down what prevents you from loving yourself, is it the shape of your body, your face features or your constant comparison with others? Is it the way you talk or the sound of your voice? Is it the way they describe you? Or is it simply your need to be truly seen?
Whatever you’ve chosen, it only means how much you undervalue yourself, reducing all your being into a very small fragment of the iceberg, that is you, how sad is that?
I’m not aiming to despise physical beauty, nor I’m trying to introduce a very consumed concept, which is inner beauty…. It’s not what I’m aspiring to offer you here, my vision is bigger than that….
My conception of beauty is something God has created and already has given us, but most of us failed to see it. Actually, we were predisposed to love ourselves according to our physical appearance depending on others approval, which is absurd because our physical beauty is not of our chosen, it’s God creation, so it can’t be overcame with some insane beauty trends, stated by the mirage of perfection.
My conception is more of a self-discovery when one can see and feel both his inner and physical beauty, which was hard to achieve because most of people would dissociate the two concepts and never stop to retreat and vision them as two faces of the same puzzle.
It will be a puzzle, until you can gather the two pieces together, to create your own being, your own era and vibe; the kind of charisma we all admire about our rule models.
I believe we are born to be unique and we already have been blessed with our own kind of beauty, to fulfil a unique mission, but are we courageous and strong enough to see it, that’s the question.
As for me, I open up my eyes to a different form of being, I now see myself as a whole, emphasizing on my physical qualities and how to improve them, while enhancing my inner abilities. When you can see through yourself, discover all what makes you unique and beautiful, inside-in and out, you build a confidence that will lead you to self-love and naturally to happiness and success.
When I became aware of all these qualities, my weaknesses and insecurities seemed to fade away, like a drop of black ink in a large ocean, you just barely see them….
To let my soul shine with love and confidence, I start changing the way I speak to myself, from a severe and heartless talk full of pressure and unrealistic perception of me, to a kind, loving and positive speech that helps me grow, while celebrating my qualities and working on my weaknesses. It’s a work in progress but totally worth it, because it able you to improve yourself while leading a peaceful life.
When I took this road, I put myself in a path of constant progress and growth, that did change my life completely, as well as my relationships with others. I had to attend a dead point, where I couldn’t bare the pressure anymore, where I had to stop and take a deep breath to ask myself for forgiveness, I was unconsciously torturing myself to become what I already was.
It may start with a simple habit of looking at the mirror, enumerating your qualities, the ones that make you beautiful and unique, repeating daily that you’re beautiful, smart, exceptional and successful…. but please bring in mind, you won’t appreciate it until you’ll start it.
The paths I’ve taken, leaded me to this moment where I can finally embrace my own kind of beauty, where I finally chased out of my mind, a deformed idea of beauty I was holding into it for a pretty good time of my valuable life.
I today not scared to let my soul shine, I’m on a self-discovery trip where I’m not afraid to uncover the hidden and painful parts of me, to accept my failures and to unveil new dimensions of my being that fear shaded away, holding the spirit of a child, the ambition of a girl, and the values of grown woman…..
So, try to join the trip, let your soul shine as The Allman Brothers Band once inspired me to do…
“When you can't find the light
That got you through the cloudy days
When the stars ain't shinin' bright
You feel like you've lost you're way
When the candlelight of home
Burns so very far away
Well, you got to let your soul shine
Just like my daddy used to say
He used to say soulshine
It's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshine
Damn sure better than rain”